Keepin' Up: never too much

Following up on my post from a few weeks ago, when I had just gotten over an illness that left my life completely on hold for a week, followed by catching up on work that piled up after a summer of due diligence in preparation for an acquisition at my 9-6, I was left feeling overwhelmed and at times, helpless. 

Now here I am, in the midst of my all-time favorite season, Autumn, where the chill gives me energy and the changing colors of the once-green leaves fill me with hope. I had such an awesome weekend. On Friday, I woke up at 6am to get ready for a dance party with my good friend, Jelisha, where we let the happy (and, yes, sober) energy of those who chose to do the same fill our morning with love. That was followed by a team outing at work with my closest co-workers, where we ate delicious food surrounded by the gorgeous architecture and history of Greenwich Village. I came home to a much needed relaxing evening with my fiancé. 

The next morning I cleaned the apartment and made fajitas in preparation for my very first script-reading for my web series, Better Together. It was so exciting seeing it read aloud by some of the cast. It helped me more easily see the holes and understand the possibilities for the shooting schedule, which I will begin planning today. When we were done I helped Jelisha, who is starring in the series with me, make small edits to her new beautiful website for the couples therapy practice she's opening, Let's Unpack. It's been inspiring watching her build a new business on her own and I love watching the details unfold! Later, we had some friends over for games, after devouring the never-disappointing double cheeseburger of one of my favorite neighborhood spots, Moloko. 

Today, I'm working on pre-production for my web series and soon my fiancé and I will start the process of re-organizing our living room, which has been on our to-do list forever. This weekend has been the perfect mix of relaxing, fun and productive. I think that by surrounding myself with inspiring people and true friends and by setting small and achievable deadlines for my larger goals I've been able to accomplish more wins that keep me encouraged and moving forward. Do some things get less attention than I'd like? Of course. But you can't do everything all at once and as long as I keep moving, I'll be happy.

Too many hobbies?

I'm curious if you ever feel like you have too many hobbies? I certainly don't think it's a bad thing to have several interests, but I often find myself being pulled in too many directions. I love to read, but I've been skipping my reading time on the train for french lessons on Duolingo. I am taking bass lessons and I love practicing, but I find it often comes at the expense of working on my new web series. I'm often offered photography jobs that I feel guilty not taking, but then I'm working 6-7 days a week and I feel exhausted. 

Do you have any tips? How do you keep your goals on track for your many interests? I'm interested in hearing what you have to say! 

My Best Friend

I have a best friend. Her name is Farah Abdou. I know, I'm pretty lucky.

If that sounds silly to you, then I wonder if you've found your best friend? I think it's easy to know - when someone asks you if you have a best friend and you think "I have several," then I don't think you understand what I mean when I say "best friend." 

I truly didn't understand what a best friend was until I met mine.  Let's put it this way,  I place all of the weight of everything I do on my best friend and she completely supports me totally upright. All the time. And that makes me feel really lucky. 

And I think she's the only one who genuinely understands my humor in the most complete way possible. 

It's helpful that we come from a similar background, even though our stories are incredibly different. We met in college but if you saw us together, you would think we've known each other our whole lives. Once we went a year without talking - not because anything happened, we just didn't say anything to each other. Then one of us text the other, I don't even remember who because it wasn't even a "thing" and literally nothing had changed, it was as if we had talked every day that past year. I think that's the sign of a true friend.

The way we met is pretty funny, actually. We were at a mutual friend's birthday party and I needed a partner to kick some booty in beer pong. So I shouted that need to the general air around me, and she jumped in to volunteer. We played that game very confident in our skills to win, and we were completely shot out - we didn't get one cup.  House rules dictated that we either had to do a lap around the house naked on or sit under the beer pong table for the next game, so we obviously chose the latter. And sitting there in our defeat, we just clicked. I would say we've been best friends ever since.

And when we're together, I think our happy energy just surrounds us with amazing people who contribute the same. 

So, I hope you've found your best friend. Because I honestly don't even want to imagine what my life would be like without mine. 

Today

I cracked. It's been building; over the last years, months, weeks, days. But I can't control it anymore, I just want to cry. I feel so confused. Every day I see more unimaginable terror happening around our world, but as I walk down the street, I'm surrounded with joy, with smiles, with kindness.

Today, like most days, I feel inspired by my neighbors and I also feel complete despair knowing that they are all unsafe, at no fault of their own. I want to smile with them and that joy now only brings tears to my eyes.

I feel helpless and useless. I have no words that can help or encourage you or me. I don't know of any actions I can perform to emit hope.

So, I'll cry. And I'll pray for better. And I'll wonder how we got to a point where our presidential candidates evoke anxiety and bring me no belief that we will improve as a nation and as people. And I'll be angry that I can walk and talk and dress and act the exact same way as my neighbors and know that I'm fine, and know that they are not.

And then I'll do my best to keep smiling, because I don't want anyone to live in fear. Even though, you are. For good reason. I will do my best to help my friends forget about the madness so that we can be happy, if only for a moment.

And if you can think of any way to make it better, I will do everything within my power to assist you.

I love all of you. You don't deserve this. Nobody deserves this.

Hope, John

I rescued a fish.

Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I did. I worked a bar mitzvah last night where they had a game of fish racing for the kids. This consisted of two lanes where you got to choose one of hundreds of goldfish to race against another in a lane parallel to yours. You get these fish to move by poking them with straws and unless I'm mistaken, the winner gets to keep the fish. So, dozens of fish are handed out to kids ages 10-15, kids who have no plan or intention to own a fish. Then, at the end of the night when the party is over, all of the fish who didn't get taken home get flushed. 

I couldn't bear it. 

At the end of the night there was one unclaimed fish sitting in the gallery as people broke down the party around him. He looked dead, he was just resting at the bottom of the tiny bowl. So I asked someone what would happen to him, they said "we get rid of them." 

After hundreds of fish died to entertain some kids at this bar mitzvah I couldn't stand the thought of losing another. So, I took him home. The least I could do was save one.

Now, I don't have any fish, so I certainly don't have fish food lying around. I read online after some quick research in my cab home that you can feed them an assortment of fruits and vegetables! I happened to have some carrot sticks so I peeled one and baked it at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes and then chopped it up into tiny tiny little pieces.

And he liked it! But like I said, I don't have any fish so the best temporary home I could offer him was a large vase. It's pretty cute! He would quickly swim through the tiny pieces of carrot, which would make them fly to the top of the vase and sink. He would catch as many as he could before they hit the ground again. I really think he seems happy. I could definitely see a change in his whole attitude when I moved him into the bigger vase, he started swimming around and exploring. But as you can see, he needed more...

Now, my boyfriend didn't seem too too thrilled that we have a new pet and I just couldn't figure out why, he is so sweet and I know he is happy I didn't let the fish die. I inquired enough to finally learn that he was actually planning on getting me a little aquarium for my birthday. I feel so bad. So I promised him today that when I went to the store to buy him food and oxygen, I would only get him what he needs to survive. So, he still lives in the vase, but my birthday is on Wednesday, so it's very temporary. I got him a few live plants and a moss ball to play with. I love the little guy!

So, I decided to call him Hope. He survived even though all odds were against him, and after the attacks in Paris and the regular attacks that we don't often hear about all around the world, I just thought we all needed a little bit of hope. I know I do. 

Of course, my buddy Anthony was hanging out at our place when I got home and he thought Hope was too feminine since I'm addressing him as a boy. Then he went on to complain about all of the new weird names people are naming their kids and said "Why doesn't anyone just name their kid John anymore?!" And he's right, it happens but I met a guy named Kale the other day. So, I said "that's a great name. Let's call him John Hope." John Hope Grace. I love it.

No Phone III - The Conclusion

To end the saga, I now have my 6s.

I must say, limited access to cellphone usage in the past few weeks has really opened my eyes. My priorities have changed slightly and I only stare at my phone about half as often as I used to. 

Ry and I have made a pact to put our phones away an hour and a half before bed, and we really do our best to try not to get lost in them like we sometimes allowed ourselves to. The Internet and our social media channels are an endless hole of distraction and it's nice to put restrictions on yourself and how often you jump into that hole. There's a time for it and more often than that, there's a time to be where you are physically.

That being said, I've downloaded some dope new apps that I LOVE and it's nice to have a phone that allows me to be creative again. I love making videos and weird glitchy photos on my phone and I'm happy to be back in the game. 

No Phone II

No Phone Day 1: I built this website. I'm not looking for a high-five, building a simple site like this is cake. But not being distracted while I did it allowed me to power through and truly enjoy the process. I finished in an afternoon and we even had company at my place while I did it.

No Phone Day 2: My boyfriend left his phone in our cab home Saturday night and not having my phone made dealing with that pretty challenging. But we did, and he picked it up the next day.

No Phone Day 3: I didn't find that I was more or less productive at work. I (mostly) only use my phone for work social (I manage our social media) or texting/calling about work related stuff while I'm there, so once I let everyone know my phone is out of commission, we communicated via email or the work phone. Also, during my meetings, I wasn't constantly distracted by pop-up notifications about new emails and texts, so I was able to be much more present. 

Came home, made dinner, folded laundry (my delightful boyfriend [let's call him Ryan] had already washed everything), made some homemade snacks for the week, and got some personal work done. I'd call tonight a win.

One downfall, my mother let me know via facebook that she'll be joining me, my boyfriend, and his entire family (they'll be meeting for the first time - eek!) in Lake Placid in two weeks. So, I felt bad that I wasn't able to call her. But, once Ryan got home, I used his phone to facetime with her.

So far so good!

No Phone

My phone broke yesterday. It's a 4 so I was due. In fact, I've been saying since the 6 was released that "I'm waiting for the 6s." So, here I am. A week before it comes out, I'm riding my bike home from work and I went over a tiny bump that sent my phone flying out of my basket to its death.

So, I pre-ordered the 6s. It should be here by Friday. I think this is a perfect excuse to go without a phone for a week - I mean, what a rare opportunity. I'm actually very excited.

I will say, a day in, I'm shocked at the incessant impulse to look at my phone. I find myself going to check for it multiple times an hour. That isn't something I noticed about myself. When it's there to look at, it seems so normal.

I am big enough to admit that I am having instagram withdrawals. I do love that social network and I'm going from literally never missing a post to missing a week's worth. But I will survive. 

I will admit though, that I am weirdly excited. But, like most things I look forward to, this week will be over before I know it. (geez - so pessimistic!)

And then I'll have the 6s. So, that will keep me busy. I'll let you know how it goes.